Infertility and marriage

Children have always been a dream of mine. Until recently, I always thought that getting pregnant was easy. Heck girls in high school are doing, so it must be a piece of cake. Boy, was I wrong.
My husband and I have suffered three miscarriages on our way to becoming parents. Nothing has tested our marriage like those three miscarriages. Below are 5 lessons/points that helped us fight those storms.

1.) Support each other ‚Äď You are going through this together. You are not alone. Lean on each other when you are sad.

2.) Talk about it ‚Äď The biggest struggle that I had was opening up to my husband. Once I was able to put the words together and discuss it with him, I learned that he was feeling the same way. Talking is golden in these situations. This way you are not bottling everything up.

3.) Always remember that you love each other– It may seem so simple but msometimes it was tough to comprehend.

4.) Trust that a baby will happen ‚Äď There are so many ways for someone to get pregnant or to have kids that you must trust something will happen.

5.) It‚Äôs okay to be emotional ‚Äď This is a very emotional time and its okay to let that emotion out. There are moments where you feel perfectly fine and then the next minute you are in a depressed mood. It is all completely normal to feel this way.

Hope this gave you some insight into marriage and dealing with miscarriages. 

Until next time 

Jennifer

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When my due date approached.

Today should have been my due date. We should be in the hospital, waiting for our little one to arrive. Instead, I woke up, took a shower and headed to work. My world became so different back in September. 

When the doctor told me I miscarriages again, I was depressed. I could hardly talk to anyone without tears in my eyes and a heavy heart. I was struggling with the what-ifs. Over some time, it got easier to accept the harsh reality and slowly move on. But in my heart, I knew that March 21st would be my toughest day yet. 

If you¬†had told me in September, that I would be okay and able to make it through this day, I would have laughed. Strangely enough, I have made it through today with every little meltdowns. It hasn’t been an easy feat but I’m surviving.¬†

Instead of bringing a new life into this world today, I’m bringing home the bacon. Instead of cuddling with a baby, I’m cuddling¬†with my puppy. Instead of becoming a family of three, I’m spending the evening with my husband.¬†

Somehow, I’m surviving today. Just like I will every day.¬†

All my love,

Jennifer

 

 

 

Who am I?

I was sitting around the other day, trying to come up a post when it hit me. Why not re-introduce myself? 

Here goes nothing. 

Me on Thanksgiving

  1. I’m allergic to Squirt, the soda. It’s my only allergy.
  2. I have a strange phobia of elevators. 
  3. I dislike chocolate. 
  4. My husband and I have been together for 10 years, this year. We will be celebrating 5 years of marriage this August.
  5. We are parents to a three-year-old golden doodle named Stella. Picture Below.  
  6. Reading is my favorite pastime. I love getting lost into a book.
  7. I’m obsessed with soccer.¬†
  8. I coach a Girls Under-18 soccer team
  9. I love country music. Carrie Underwood is one of my favorites.
  10. I tend to change my purse as much as I change my clothes.¬†¬†At a friend’s wedding last October¬†
  11. I chose Pepsi over Coke every time.
  12. I’m born and raised in Washington.¬†
  13. I have very strong localities to all Seattle Sports.
  14. I love to travel. 
  15. I’ve considered going back to school to get a teaching degree.

Hope you enjoyed getting to know me again. 

Until next time!

Jennifer

 

 

Questions You Should Ask Yourself part IV

As fast as my unemployment ended, is about how fast it started up again. My latest work contract ends on May 22nd meaning I get to spend time with this cutie. Thanks for being so patient with me. 

It’s been a bit since I’ve introduced myself to you fine people. I thought that today felt like a good day. ¬†It’s time for part IV of my Questions to ask yourself series.¬†

Check out Parts I, II, & III

If you end up doing any of these questions, let me know so I can check them out.


31} What are you not made for?

Glass. I’m not made of glass.¬†

32} What secret would you never want your partner to find out?

I feel like if I say something, then it wouldn’t be a secret. That defeats the purpose of a secret.

33} Name 3 things you don’t want people to know about you.

Why would I tell people, if I don’t want them knowing. Instead I’m going to list three random facts.¬†

1. I have a major phobia of elevators. I refuse to ride an elevator if there are more than four people in it. 

2. ¬†When I was growing up, I wanted to be the president’s mailman. How awesome would that be? (Check out this post about it)

3. I’ve always wished that music would randomly start playing whenever I walked into a room. ¬†

34} Why do you think your friends like you?

Because I am so awesome. I would say that it is because I am super fun to hang out. Come back Wednesday and see what they have to say about me. 

35} How similar is your facebook-self to your real-self?

Since my facebook self is mainly pictures of the pup, I would say they are very similar. 

36} What is the most annoying thing about your partner?

He snores so bad. And I’m a light sleeper so if he falls asleep before me. I can’t sleep.

37} Why do you publish things on the internet?

Because I can. It’s more a way for me to get my thoughts out there. The innerworkings of a female mind is hard to figure out. I thought that this way I can try and clear it up.¬†

38} Do you have a hobby?

Reading and coach in soccer. Since soccer season is over, it’s mainly reading right now.

39} What was the last thing you searched for on Pinterest?

My best friend just got engaged. Since pinterest wasn’t really around when I was planning my wedding, we’ve been pinning her wedding. It is so addicting.¬†

40} Who’s Facebook inbox would you love to read?

Any of the Sounders. How awesome would it be to see what other people say to them. 


Hope you got a better insight into my mind. 

– Jennifer

Happy Friday

Hey Ya’ll!!

I thought I would stop by to say hello! I am still here and alive.  Stay tuned for some awesome goodies coming in the next week or two! Until then here is what I have been up to! 

 The sunset outside our window.  
 Stella looking super cute

 
Cheering on the sounders  
Have a good weekend! 

Life Update

 

The hubs and I testing out the selfie stick

Hey guys and dolls!

Today’s post is going to be somewhat short.

As of yesterday, my unemployment ended! I started a new job! 

With a new job comes a new routine. Please bare with me as I learn out this new rountine including my commute! 

Hope you have a great day! 

Jennifer

Questions to Ask Yourself Part III

Stella wanted to come say hi!

Howdy Ya’ll!

Life has been crazy busy. If you following me on twitter you will see that I’m in the process of job hunting. My current work contract ends very shortly so I’ve been extremely busy. I figured it was time to re-introduce myself to all you wonderful people again.

For a refresher check out Part I and Part II of Questions to ask yourself series


21} Do you drink to much?

This is a touchy question. I don’t drink that often. When I do drink, sometimes I feel like I might drink a little too much.

22} What do you have to protect yourself from?

Right now I am trying to protect myself from having a mental breakdown. My soccer schedule has changed with means that I need to start a new routine. Plus personal stuff is going on that isn’t helping my overall heath. Add the fact that my work contract is almost up and I just might have a mental breakdown. Hence why I am trying to not have a mental breakdown.

23} What couple with whom you are friends would you want to have sex with?

Is this even a question? Moving on.

24} What are you embarrassed about?

One of my biggest fears are elevators. I dislike them very much. It’s a little embarrassing to admit it. I can’t go into an elevator if there are more than 4 people inside. I will wait for the next one or just get off on the next floor.

25} What can you do better than everybody else?

I have never thought about this question. I guess I would say talk sports better than most of my girlfriends. Especially the sounders.

26} When is the last time you did something good for others?

The other day a good friend came to me with her family drama. Since she is super far away and I couldn’t go and get her, I helped her out. It allowed her to get out of a tough situation.

27} And when did you do good without expecting something in return?

The other day my friend and I were waiting in line at Starbucks when we were told that someone had gotten our drinks for us.

28} Do you want to have kids? If so, how many?

It’s secret around here that I suffered a couple of miscarriages. Yes, I want kids but not at this moment. My two soccer teams are like my children so it’s a good trade off. Besides I think Stella might get jealous.

29} Are you scared of getting grey hair?

If my soccer girls haven’t given it to me yet, I don’t think I will ever get grey hair. I’m not scared.

30} Which animal do you resemble?

I have never thought about this. I’m going to say penguin because they are the coolest animals around. Plus I would always be dressed up to go out.


Hope everyone has a good Thursday!

Questions you ask Yourself Part 2

Back in September, I came across this idea from a good blogging friend; Questions to ask yourself. It’s been a hot minute since I’ve done part one that I figured it was time to continue with part two. Here goes nothing.
11} How many minutes do you look at your phone each day?
This is such a tough question to answer. My phone is constantly by my side. Every so often I tend to look down at it to make sure I didn’t miss anything. It’s the only way that anyone outside of work can get ahold of me.
12} Do you call your parents for no reason?
I try to call my parents every day. Most of the time it tends to be every other day. My sister, on the other hand, I talk to her about three times a day.
13} Do you know the story of how your parents met?
I actually do. They met at a mutual friend’s wedding. They were juniors in high school. This month, they will be celebrating their 34th (33rd maybe) wedding anniversary.

Here they are at my wedding about four years ago!

14} What do you miss when you are on vacation?
One of the biggest thing I miss is the pup. We’ve been doing a better job at planning on vacations where we can bring her. But sometimes it’s hard. Not everyone wants to play with 60-lb goldendoodle.

Look how cute she is!

15} What is the world of your childhood?
This is such a tough question to answer. I’m going to go with soccer. Soccer has been a huge part of my life since I can remember. Nearly every weekend, my parents and I were out on the soccer field at some game. Most of my vacations growing up were travelling to different soccer fields throughout the state.
16} When was the last time you played a game?
On Valentine’s day. This year, we decided we wanted to keep it low-key. So I made dinner and we played some board games.
17} Do you think more about your past or your future?
At this very moment, neither. I’m thinking about present. I can’t change the past so there is no need to think about it. The future is so unknown that I don’t want to think about it for fear of having an anxiety attack. I’m really learning to live in the moment. And only worry about life one minute at a time.
18} In which language would you like to be fluent?
French or Italian.
19} Do you try not to look like a tourist when you are on vacation?
I try really hard to not be a tourist but it’s so hard. I get excited about the littlest things. I love taking pictures, which makes you the ultimate tourist.
20} Do you like yourself better when you are drunk?
There is no good way to answer this. So I’m not.
– Jennifer

Vacationing

Happy Friday!

If you need me, I’ll be in the mountains.

Every year my husband’s work puts on a ski retreat for employees and a plus one. Four days of relaxing and bonding before the craziness of tax season starts. This is our fourth year going. I’m super excited! It’s the one yearly vacation we get.

Talk to everyone in a few days!

Have a great weekend!

Go Hawks!

1 + 1 = 3? Maybe Someday

When you’ve been in a relationship for a good chuck of time, people always ask “Are you engaged yet?”

Once you become engaged, the question changes. “When is the wedding?”

After the honeymoon is over, the questions changes again. “When are you having kids?”

My husband and I have been married for three years now and we are constantly asked about kids.¬†Every time, we’ve got our¬†“excuses” ready to go. “Once we get a house, once we are in steady careers, once the husband passes the CPA exams, let’s get a dog first”, etc.¬†The “excuses” seemed to be working. Until recently, when we got called out.¬†A friend mentioned that we’ve nearly achieved all of our “excuses” so what was stopping¬†us.¬†We were blown away. We’ve hardly thought about kids. Were we even ready? After some discussion, you may never fully be ready but why not try?

This all happened a while ago.¬†Over some amount of time, we started getting discouraged about the number of negative tests we¬†were getting.¬†¬†Then last July, something changed. We got the positive test we’ve been hoping for. When we found out, I was about six weeks along. Things seemed to be progressing right along, until they weren’t. A couple of days before my first appointment, I noticed some bleeding. Call my doctor¬†and he took me in. After being poked (I¬†seriously hate needles and blood) the test results came back. I can still remember everything about that call. The baby was gone. I suffered a miscarriage.¬†

To say I was devastated would be an understatement. I was beyond devastated. I didn’t want to talk to anyone. I didn’t want to believe it.¬†Whenever I saw a baby, I started bawling. All I wanted to do was crawl in my bed away from the world. When we got the call, I was coaching at an out-of-town soccer tournament. I think that was my saving grace. If it wasn’t for that tournament, I might have¬†suffered way more depression.¬†After a few weeks, I started feeling better with everything. I was on my way back to my normal.¬†¬†I was finally able to accept everything. Then my world changed again in December.

In December, we found out we were pregnant again. After everything we went though,¬†it was hard to believe. We were still a little on the cautious side with this one. Three days later, I noticed that I was bleeding again. Off to the doctors we went.¬†My hopes were dashed before we even got there.¬†The doctor told me that I suffered another miscarriage. Having already¬†gone through one, I knew how my body would feel physically but emotionally, this hurt. I¬†felt like I fail at my womanly duty. I couldn’t look my husband in the eye for a few days. I stayed out of work for a couple of days.¬†I hardly talked to anyone.¬†I was a mess. Finally, after a good friend got through to me, I started becoming¬†my normal again.¬†

Do I still think about the babies? Every day. Do I still blame myself? Yes. Do I wish I could change back time? More than anything. Has this changed our relationship? Absolutely but for the better.

I believe that the timing wasn’t right at all and one day we will be blessed with our own children.

Maybe One Day.

– Jennifer